Am I the Grinch's Roommate?

God, did you forget about me? Do you remember that I exist? Maybe I am the Grinch’s roommate.

Here I sit and these questions as well as others like them are racing through my mind over and over the past weeks. Some days the voices are so loud that nothing else seems to be able to come through the screams and through the tears and cries that follow. Mentally I’m exhausted and worn out. Spiritually my armor seems to have holes in it than not and the darts and lies of the enemy penetrate every last inch of me. Slowly turning my heart into nothing but ash. Nothing but an empty space in need of life to be restored to it. Why is the battle raging inside of me? It’s the season. It’s the time of year. 

My explanation to those around me – I just don’t like Christmas. I don’t like the parties, the music (I turn the radio station to avoid it), ect. That’s only the surface level answer I tend to give. I have tried countless times to express the real reason of the why – but each time I go to lunch or sit down with a friend or mentor – my words are shut down.  The voices begin to whisper “it doesn’t matter there are more important things to talk about”. So I shut down the words that long to escape and bring my mind and racing thoughts into lock down mode – hiding the keys that would bring a freedom and a release of emotions.

So I write this to you my friend of what I want you to know in this season of my life a single woman – who actually does like Christmas deep down. I want you to know that I hate being the Grinch’s roommate. I jokingly says this because right now Christmas just too painful to love. I want to decorate the whole house, buy & wrap the gifts, go to the dinners and parties – but the pain of the racing thoughts and screaming voices make it almost impossible to do it. I have to mentally talk myself into getting out of bed, into getting dressed, into walking out the door to that party, to that place where it feels as if God has forgotten about me. To where it seems as if God is playing a cruel trick on me. Showing me all the things I don’t have, along with all the things that I desire in my life – seeing the missing pieces of life.

Here are a list of things I would ask you do for not only me but other singles around in during Holidays.



1. Ask the hard question of why and be ready to listen. Make sure you go below the surface level of the reason.  Don’t be satisfied with the material answers. Find out the reason why it’s hard. Each person will have a different story of their why and how they ended in the spot they are mentally, emotional, and spiritually.


2. Party games. If you plan games, divide teams in a way that doesn’t single out the single person. (True story: I almost had a t-shirt made that said ‘Yes I’m single and the teams will still be uneven’)


3. Don’t keep asking if we “found a date” yet. It feels as if I’m losing in the game of life. Trust me, most singles would agree, if we could have a date we probably would.


4. Conversations. It would be nice to be able to participate in them too. This goes for anyone – while in a group setting – make sure everyone can participate. Having to sit through a 30 min conversation while everyone else speaks on a subject you are unable to (i.e. where did you to meet) have input in. Well let’s just say it’s no fun.


5. Invite and do not take No for an answer (especially if we have no immediate family around). I struggle with this one. I would rather stay home on Christmas Day, then go to someone’s house. Make us come. Kidnap us for the day if you have to, but don’t let us be alone. 

I could continue with the list - but these are the top 5 things I would say are the most important from my perspective. I know some people will/would disagree.

Being single on any holiday feels like a cruel joke at sometimes. I’m not writing this for sympathy – but to inform you of the why. To hopefully help you understand because talking about is painful and I hate crying which would not be able reach the end of the conversation without tears. Who am I kidding – I would not make it past the first few minutes without my mascara running. If I sit and type, I can convey what I feel and have my mascara stay in place too.

One day, I will fully love Christmas again. I can feel myself starting to love it this year but maybe next year the house will be fully decorated and some many presents under the tree and the joy of Christmas through the whole month of December. Until then – this is the struggle I have and the battle I fight throughout each Holiday that each month brings.

I do wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.